the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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