It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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