Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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