he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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