I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
