i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
