There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bring money and cleavage
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
