The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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