We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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