what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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