Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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