im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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