She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
