If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
