dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
