we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
