I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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