so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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