Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
