I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
