Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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