I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize