I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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