Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
