u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
