my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
