ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
this hospital has no fireball
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
