Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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