would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
