My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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