you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
