Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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