Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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