We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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