I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
