Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
