I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm always down for nudity.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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