he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
