There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
