Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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