so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
