Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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