he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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