At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
