Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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