Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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