evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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