I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize