Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize