finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
