How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
