glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
