Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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