she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
