I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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