and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we should paint friendship bongs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
