So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
