but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
