sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
