Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
