The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
