We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
