I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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