Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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