I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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