Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize