Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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