Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
