I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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