I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
