can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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